"I didn't come in here planning to buy a fish tank," said The Girl Of Many Facial Piercings, as I rang up her fish tank.
"And, yet," I said, "here we are."
Following this, a larger, late middle aged, large breasted tattooed women placed in front of me a hair dryer. We have a rule here at Nifty Thrifty Days Of Cow Shit Farms, Maryland, which states that when any device that plugs in is handed to us, we are to ask the customer who has done the placing if she wishes to have it tested.
In response, the woman said "Hey, it's alright with me, as long as it vibrates well. I can show you if you want."
The overt sexuality presented here in relation to the hair dryer startled me slightly. If you knew of my backstory at all, you would know that I am no prude, but this woman essentially telling me of her plans to fuck a hair dryer and then offering to demonstrate this act, well, it surprised me. I rang up her purchase, making suggestive jokes as I did so. She handed me the cash. Her change was sixty-nine cents.
"There's no other way to say this," I told her, "your change is sixty-nine cents."
"How bout sixty-eight and I owe you one?" she offered. It was not an original dirty joke, it was one that any fan of such humor has heard thousands of time. Sixty-nine thousand times, if I may guess.
"Man," I declared, "You are forward!"
"That's what happens when you have nine kids. You learn to be forward and outgoing."
"If you're that forward and outgoing, you get nine kids!"
The next time I saw her she purchased fuzzy hand cuffs and sex dice.
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