Racism And Sexuality: A Short Story About T-Shirts

Read the T-shirt, "Caution: The wearer of this t-shirt will hit on anyone.  If he is not hitting on you, there can be only one explanation: YOU UGLY!"

I read it, laughing.

"It's perfect for a friend of ours," said one of the two women who, together, were purchasing the shirt, among other items.

"Oh yeah?  He hits on everyone?"

"Ohhh yes.  It doesn't matter.  Age, anything."

"Well," I replied with my charm, "You need to throw out a lot of hooks if you wanna catch a lotta fish!"

"Oh, and he does.  He's already been through all of us."

She clarified that he didn't mean that he had had sex with all of them.  Well, she thought that was a clarification, but it actually just made the story more confusing.

The young child was dancing and twirling her ribbon as I rang up her mother's purchases.  Among them, I saw, was a t-shirt featuring the popular boy band One Direction.

"Does your daughter have a One Direction infection?" I asked, quoting a different shirt I had seen a couple years before, which now that I think about it may have been homemade and thus too obscure a reference even for me.

"Oh, yes," the mother replied.  She continued, indicating her younger daughter, "This one is into Mickey Mouse and Minnie.  My son has a beer, butts and rebel flags infection."

I asked her to repeat the last part.  She did.  It was the same both times.

"He can't wear the rebel flags to school," she explained, "He got in trouble once.  He had  a shirt that said Southern Pride and had a deer in front of the rebel flag.  I don't know what's wrong with hunting and our southern pride."

"Well..."I attempted, "Some people are touchy about that flag.

"Yeah, his vice principal is a colored, so he didn't like it."

And again, I am sucker punched by racism.  I miss the days when the racist would warn me it was coming by saying "Not to sound racist, but..." before saying something unbelievably racist.  That at least gave me time to prepare.  What was extra frustrating about this particular incident is that she claimed ignorance of what the rebel flag meant, that is just meant "We love the south!" and not "Man, I miss slavery!"  Thus, I was not expecting racism, since she suggested that she was unaware of the racism involved.  I'm an idiot.

The next adult daughter to approach was giggling, and her mother protested.

I asked why.

"She said she wants a big piece of meat, but she's usually a fish person."

I giggled as well.  In a world full of hate, lesbian sex jokes are always needed.